(via hot-yaois-with-john-and-dave)

If I happened to have a friend named Josh/John/George, she should skype me.

 I apologize. I am apologizing to you for the fact that I have never thought about the fact that I have never thought of you. Go ahead, read that sentence twice. I am sorry to tell you, Holland, that I have never given a single damn about your nation, and that I believed this was the proper school of thought that all people should follow. To be honest, even right now all I picture Holland as just a lot of tulips, levies, and wooden shoes.

But tonight I met two lovely guys named Sjourd and Edzard.

And may I sincerely say, Holland,

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMN

If your country can make two random guys that hot, you’ve got to be doing something right.

Love,

The bitch who still thinks of your nation as tulips, wooden shoes, and two really cute guys

You make an awesome playlist.

You play so much you get used to it.

That moment a month or so later when you play it and realize,

This Is An AWESOME Playlist.

comiques:

Socially awkward partygoers

If my friend flightyvandal is the woman chugging wine, I’m definitely the person under the table with Jameson.

(via flightyvandal)

I spent almost all day yesterday at the hospital with one of the other American classmates from my college. He had appendicitus and was finally able to get it taken out at nine last night. I can tell you guys more and show you things later about the hospital and whatnot after I get back tonight from hanging out with him, but right now I’m just pissed off at the amount of people who weren’t there for him.

The Chinese teacher who first checked him in left an hour before we thought the surgery was supposed to happen at first, in the afternoon, left because ‘her phone died’. My classmate told me later that she said she had a hospital-phobia before, but she left us without anyone who spoke English.

One of the professors from my college was on a mountain and couldn’t get back until around 6pm, but the other one was at our college aware of the situation the whole time. He and his wife said they were not coming because ‘they had colds’. WTF? I don’t believe your minor virus will affect his slowly exploding organ, and last I heard, it’s okay for sick people to congregate at hospitals.

I’m honestly most mad at my roommate. She was at the gym when I left yesterday, so I left her a note saying what happened, figuring it was the quickest way to tell her. She never came to the hospital. She never called. She didn’t even say anything about it until I asked her just now. ‘I didn’t know much about it and I wasn’t feeling too good either’. Guess what? Text message. BAM! Instant knowledge! And I don’t know the quantifier, but I think there’s a little more of a difference between feeling not too good, and a surgery that, even if it’s pretty safe nowadays, is still a You-Will-Die-Of-Your-Thing-If-You-Don’t-Get-This-Surgery surgery.

I really just don’t understand right now. Were they really that unsympathetic? I am I making to much out of this or something? I really don’t get along with the guy myself. I call him my Anderson rather frequently. But he’s experiencing some moderately serious medical problems completely unable to communicate with his family or friends back home. Even though the staff were as nice as possible and all the problems leading up to the surgery were fixed in the end, he had to have an operation in a country that has a completely alien medical culture than what he grew up with. OF COURSE HE’S SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND! Even if you totally hated him, how can you not see that and try to understand what he’s feeling?

It’s not like I could do anything, and I’m nowhere near close enough to him to be any actual support for him, but I was there and tried to be there for him as much as I could without being in the way. This seemed like the only logical thing to do, and I really don’t understand why some of the people closest to us acted like it didn’t cross their minds. Other people helped, like our Romanian friend who speaks Chinese stayed almost as long as I did. Other people sent texts and asked about him when they felt like they couldn’t do anything. But how can you just not feel anything at all?

I just came over to toast the guy since we had the same birthday, but he ended up liking me waaay too much and giving me a ton of food.

I’m eating some of his birthday cake now. He didn’t even try it, he just gave it all to me when I left and wouldn’t let me give it back.

You go around being a silly, crazy bastard all the time, lulling me into false sense of security that you’re only this even when I know you’re not, then you hit me with a Doctor Who-level depressing remark that you turn into a joke for everyone else present who doesn’t know about you, and I just die inside for you, because I know what you meant.

I’m also a little ashamed that I see it like a tv series, but it is that level of sad backstory, and you’re honestly fine the second after, because you’re always putting it behind you, but I’m just sitting there like

(via lennonisheroin)

I admit I’m still drunk, but I admit. But…

1. Drinking the traditional medicinal alcohol beforehand is a good choice. On paper, when spoken, in any sentence you can form, it will appear to be a bad idea. This is a good plan, and will come into play later on.

 2. Walk to the bar. After all that medicinal alcohol, it will be fun. And if you cause a scene once you get there, it doesn’t matter. For a Friday in a bar that has lots of customers any other day at any other time, it will be empty. This is one of those Chinese things.

3. The Canadian friend will never come. He will say he is on his way. He will be on his way for hours. The fact that he will never actually arrive is so strong, you may never even see him again, just to make the fact that he never came to the bar as real as possible.

4. The bar owner will join you in making fun of the new bar fish. “My wife made me get them.” Yeah, sure, it was all her, Ben, we believe you.

5. After bonding over the newly installed goldfish, the bar owner will give you a free shot. You will choose absinthe. This is the only correct answer.

6. Once you have drank the absinthe, a dubstep version of Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd will play. Have you ever heard dubstep in China? No. Have you ever heard anything remotely like this in this bar before? No. You will note these things and accept them in stride.

7. The bar owner’s wife will come in. Fifteen minutes later, a man will come in carrying two porcelain platters piled a foot high with frogs. he will set them in front of the couple and leave. You will simply accept this also.

8. Your French ‘older sister’ will set you up for a date tomorrow with a Chinese guy you have never met nor know anything about, and say that it is her birthday present to you. Tomorrow morning, I am rather certain that ‘you’ will be freaking out a lot about this development. (Fuck me. At least I know that since it is through her, I can drink in front of him.)

9. You will knock your beer over at the bar. This is because you are you, but if you accept this as a certain fact, it probably means you are that drunk.

10. You will swiftly convince the meager crowd at the bar you are not drunk, purely by saying that you are drunk, but then incidentally explaining the differences between the English words ‘drink, drank, & drunk’ when it comes up.